Diagnosed with PTSD, giving a lifeline to others is the reason Lady "Spirit Moon" Cerelli wrote about her dysfunctional life.
In 1944, I was born in the coal mine region of Appalachian Mountains of Kentucky. I had two alcoholic stepfathers. The first one died of an alcohol-related auto accident. The second stepfather adopted eight of us; and, with my mother, gave birth to my last two younger brothers. We never discussed s-e-x in our family; never mind sexual abuse. I grew up fast after I changed my first diaper at the age of four when we had five in diapers at one time and became the surrogate mother to my nine siblings. A poor family, we wore hand-me-downs until each piece of clothing was altered down to the next smallest until it became cleaning rags. The unworen edges of most anything we had were used for quilts. Our chores rotated as we took turns cleaning the house. When we got about 11-12 years old, we learned how to cook, wash clothes in a wringer washer, and ironed our own clothes. In the fall, we formed assembly lines as we canned everything that didn't move; and gave a good hard stare at things that did.
My adult behavior disorders started immediatly after my incest experience at the age of seven. I learned early to keep quite about the sexual assaults that took place during the next ten years. Out of high school, I entered into the military with the intentions of getting the education I couldn't afford at a local college. My low self-esteem, naivete, and child-like demeaner set me up to receive more of an education than I had anticipated.
Discharged eighteen months later, I would spend the next 40 years building a life that may not have existed had I received support or found a professional counselor at any time during my life. My behavior disorders followed me as I went through many jobs, many friends, and many miscarriages. I never seemed satisfied with my life, my surroundings, or with myself. Though I felt bad when I could feel, I never understood why I verally and emotionally mistreated my husband. Entering the corporate world, I encountered others with similar behavior disorders, but still had not connected them to my own reality; even after discovering my innate talent as a Spiritual Counselor.
In 2003, after a flashback of a violent rape I had suppressed for over 40 years, I asked and searched for a book that would explain why I became a PTSD victim. I was told no such book existed. This was not acceptable as I thought of others in my situations. I took my 40 years experience of counseling and, using my high emotional intelligence, wrote the book that was not available for me. The journey in my book, "My Journey to Peace with PTSD," spaned nearly 54 of my 64 years.
I never dreamed I would step on the same path I have my clients walk and have appreciated something in my hand to act as a lifeline in 2003. You, the reader, will see the behavior disorders begin after my experience of childhood incest. In my era, there was neither a support system nor a professional to help me overcome the trauma. You will also see, after my family denying the incest, when and the why I took a lot of bad turns in my life. Coping on my own was not enough as I erred in making one bad choice after another; each choice chipped away at my self-esteem until they eventually set me up to become a PTSD victim.
Connecting the dots in my past, I saw how each hurt and pain pointed back to the original trauma. Coming forward while connecting the dots to my choices and traumas, I began to understand why I became the person I was. I also saw where and what I needed to change to become the person I am today.
"My Journey to Peace with PTSD" describes how anger quietly sets in at any age and creates a trauma victim who becomes a candidate for PTSD; road rage; failed and successful suicides; how and why some people become abuse victims and why others become abusers; and more. As a PTSD victim, the one element that affected me the most was the feeling of isolation, which can be as terrifying as a trauma.
The Forward to the book was written by Ruth Crawford, LCSW, VAMC, Johnson City, with additional praises from other health care professionals.
