FAQ - Fact of the Matter

Our FAQ on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and abuse cover topics as: Abusers looking at body languages that demonstrate whether or not the person they are watching can be victimized. Learn how abuse of any kind, even neglect, will take its toll on the psyche. Understand why helplessness is a state of mind, not an emotion. Learn why, when people have low self-esteem or don't feel good about themselves, will self-medicate by using whatever makes them feel good or gets their mind out of their present reality. You can also learn why the PTSD victim is always searching for that feel-good attitude, either with sex, alcohol, drugs, or performing physical activities for the runner's high. Read why people turn into workaholics.

What do abusers see when they look at a victim walking across the street that tells them they can abuse the individual?
Why do people commit suicide?
Why do people have road rage?
What does childhood abuse look like in adulthood?
How does a PTSD victim feel about what is going inside of them?
Why do people abuse alcohol and drugs, or put themselves in peril?
What is the human element that would turn a trauma into a life experience?

What do abusers see when they look at a victim walking across the street that tells them they can abuse the individual?

Though not all are consciously aware of what they are looking at, most abusers have a sense of inner-knowing when they watch a potential victim. Body launguage demonstrates whether or not the person they are watching can be victimized. Only a few body languages are listed here. 1. Sloped shoulders - This is the number one body language indicating low self-esteem. 2. Small steps - Those with low self-esteem are afraid to step out or make themselves noticed. 3. Downcast eyes - Fear of offending or challenging the other individual. There is a difference between downcast eyes and coy eyes. 4. Flying Hands - Though an individual wants to be close, they often talk with their hands flying, usually in the other person's face. 5. I'm sorry - These two words can actually be seen on the victims' faces or in the body language.

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Why do people commit suicide?

Abuse of any kind, even neglect, will take its toll on the psyche. If there is enough abuse, or if the victim can't handle the nightmares after the abuse, eventually, that little spark of hope within the person will die. At this point, the victim feels numb. Their outward appearance may not change, but within, they will plan their suicide. On occasion, an emotional trigger, or something too heavy for the psyche to take in or process, can force the victim to commit suicide on impulse. A true suicide victim will not be usually quiet about their plans. If one gives off clues of their plans, be it in body language, a dropped word here or there, or a blatant verbal outburst, it is usually a cry asking someone to help them stop their plans.

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Why do people have road rage?

Either during or immediately after an abuse, one experiences the state of "no control" or helplessness. Helplessness is a state of mind, not an emotion. It is a state of no response and will last from only a moment to several minutes. The victim may not be aware of the state of helplessness at the time, but it will register in the brain and remember. If there are no means to address the first state of helplessness, the psyche will hold that state in a dark corner somewhere in the brain and ferment. Over time this fermented helplessness turns into anger; usually the first emotion that will arise out of the state of helplessness. This anger will spike its ugly head if the ego feels threatened or being used, to name just a couple scenarios. By the time you're old enough to drive, you have had enough life experiences to develop, and at the same time suppress, that anger that has remained hidden. Driving down the highway, another car passes you, the suppressed anger in your psyche registers back to the original state of helplessness, and you get mad. Your subconscious thoughts will register, "No one is going to pass me. I'm first. I can't let him get away with that," and cause your foot to press down on the gas pedal. When it's over, you feel the fatigue and spent anger, though you're not quite sure where or how they originated. This anger will rear its ugly head in other behavior disorders besides road rage.

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What does childhood abuse look like in adulthood?

The one feedback I'm getting back from the victims reading the book is, "We didn't have the same experiences, but our disorders are the same." Another wrote, "Reading your book was like reading the journals I kept since my rape in the military 32 years ago." Abuse is abuse, simply put. The emotions involved in the abuse are pretty much the same: guilt, shame, anger, "Why me?" etc. The disorders are almost the same as well. For the most part, the disorders are: self-medicating with alcohol, drugs, food, spending rages, surrounding yourself with "stuff," and placing yourself in peril, to name just a few. Other disorders are: saying one thing, but doing or meaning another, thereby keeping people off balanced; straight out lying or telling exaggerated stories; mean streaks; anger outbursts; to itemize a few. The extent of the type and degree of the disorders are also determined by how many tools were in place at the time of the abuse(s), life experiences, the support system, and inner strength. When confronted with these disorders, the individual will get extremely angry and may either display their anger physically, or stay quiet and plot a revenge. The confrontation may come from people, being shown up in situations, or sometimes just looking in the mirror a sense of knowing. Either way, the underlying factor is anger. Abusers have been abused in childhood, as well, and usually may repeat the abuse pattern on their victims. The types of abuse may change simply because the adult abuser has had different life experiences than their abusers.

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How does a PTSD victim feel about what is going inside of them?

The insides are always churned. The brain is always active and looking for a way to resolve an unknown thing or problem. Fear of being taken advantaged of while in a flashback, which puts them in a different reality, may force a PTSD victim to live in an isolated place by himself or with an understanding partner. Not knowing when a flashback will occur will do the same thing. Both scenarios may cause the victim to seek other PTSD victims. Intense anger comes and goes like a continual, undulating wave. There is no sleep because the brain doesn't shut off. This continued state of inner turmoil can prevent the victim from getting into projects, completing the projects, or getting interested in them. Concentration to complete the task is often hard. The PTSD victim is always searching for that feel-good attitude, either from sex, alcohol, drugs, or performing physical activities for the runner's high. Their low self-esteem making them feel lousy, some victims won't care what happens to them and put themselves in peril. After the initial flashback, their fears lessen as their state of hyperness (alertness) increases. There is no control over these things if there is no therapy. Personal experience dictates that self-esteem has a lot of bearing on how one handles their PTSD.

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Why do people abuse alcohol and drugs, or put themselves in peril?

Read the answers to all of the above. When people have low self-esteem or don't feel good about themselves, they will self-medicate by using whatever makes them feel good, or gets their mind out of their present reality. They will also turn into workaholics for a diversion or give themselves a purpose on life; even create a job or task to give themselves a purpose.

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What is the human element that would turn a trauma into a life experience?

A truama is a thing cemented into the psyche by fear. If compassionate love (I say compassionate love because only about 90% of our society understands what love is.) is in place at the time of the trauma, it has been known to transform that trauma into a life experience. The support system helps us to understand the fear. Understanding pain or hurt at the time it happens turns the fear into a life lesson. If you don't understand the trauma, the fear will grow within you and chip away at your self-esteem. Love gives inner strength and courage with a built-in support system that usually keeps people from becoming trauma victims. Knowledge of a thing usually melts the fear of it.

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